Doing My Best To Make Bad Photographs

It's only fair for me to illustrate this blog post with a couple of bad photographs.
(click to enlarge)

As much as I have tried in the past, over and over again, every once in a while I accidentally make a good photograph.  I apologize for that.  I don’t mean to but one invariably slips in now and then.  I wish it didn’t.  Seriously, I know you expect mundane photos from me and I don't want to let you down.

Let me be upfront about something. I specialize in making mediocre photographs.  It's not a hobby, it's a calling.  After fifty-five years behind a camera, across just about every film and digital format and sensor size ever invented, I have refined the craft of mediocrity to a fine art.  I’m really good at making bad photos and I’m proud of it!  It takes perseverance to do what I do.

As I like to say, “It takes a big man to consistently make crappy photos.”  It takes concentration, planning and years of practice.  Don’t think you can just go out with your camera, fire off the shutter and come home with junk.  With all the automation and features in today’s cameras, these new cameras will work against you and you’ll get some good photos, like it or not.

Before you say "anybody can take a bad picture," let me stop you right there.  It takes real talent.  Plenty of folks walk around with a camera and stumble into a decent shot by accident.  Great light shows up, people wearing quirky clothes stroll by at the right moment, the old country store has a perfect rusty sign and boom, a keeper.  Not me.  I put in the work to make sure that almost never happens, even by accident.  You have to stay alert and practice patience so that you don’t fall into that trap of pressing the shutter button when things look ‘just perfect.’

I normally don’t share my photo secrets and shooting style as I don’t like helping others.  I’m afraid someone may copy me and do worse than I do.  But I’m going to reveal my proven method, free of charge, even though I fundamentally don’t believe in giving back or being helpful.  I guess I’m getting soft in my old age.  

Here are my ten tips about how I photograph.  Take heed.

1. Shoot as close to high noon every time.
Why get up at some dreadful hour for that golden light at sunrise or sunset when you can sleep in then haul out the camera at 12:30 in the afternoon?  No getting up before dawn or staying up past midnight.  Your health is more important than light.  Sleep as long as you can.  Besides, overhead sun is the gift that keeps on giving.  Flat colors, hard shadows, and a sky either the color of a dirty sheet or clear blue with no clouds.  Clouds just muck things up and cause distractions.  Don't fall for the 'perfect sky' mantra that is mentioned by those who really don't know what they are talking about.  Include as much of those white or blue skies as you can.

2. Place your subject dead center. Always.
Don’t waste time trying to carefully compose your photographs.  Just put your subject in the center, quickly push the shutter button and move on.  After all, you want everyone to instantly know what the subject of your photograph is.  Symmetry is your best friend.  Symmetry is for people who plan ahead.  Center is better as some famous photographers have said.  Also, taking your time to carefully compose just wastes the little time you have in this world.

3. Always use a very wide angle lens.
You want to include as much in your photo as you possibly can.  Pack in everything.  Everything in sight.  You never know there might be something other than your main subject that someone will find interesting.  It’s best to include it all.  I don’t even own a lens longer than 20mm (FF).  Anything longer cuts out too much potential content.  More is better.

4. Tilt the horizon.
This one takes a bit of practice as we naturally think of the horizon as level.  Don’t let it happen.  A tilted horizon creates tension and interest.  Tilt it enough so others don’t think you just didn’t pay attention and didn’t do it on purpose.  If the old dilapidated barn is already leaning, you tilt the camera the opposite direction so the whole scene looks like it's sliding off the table.  The viewer will wonder if they are having a stroke.  That's viewer engagement.  A good thing.

5. Never worry about focus.
Anybody can focus on the main subject.  Just point your camera at your subject and push the shutter button.  The camera knows more than you do and it will figure it out.  Sharp images are overrated.  Some of the greatest images made are out of focus.  If your camera misses focus, so what.  That causes people to get close, examine your photos and squint to try to get them to look in-focus.  That's what you want.  People looking closely at your photos, right?

6. Set your aperture wide open or stopped all the way down. Nothing in between.
You bought a fast lens, so always shoot at its widest aperture.  Get your money’s worth.  On the other hand, if you stop down all the way, f/22 even f/32 if your lens has it, focus becomes irrelevant and that is something you’ll never again have to worry about.  The less worry when composing your photos, the better. The middle aperture settings are nothing but trouble. Worrying about depth of field is for cowards.

The plain blue sky adds a nice touch as one with nice cumulus clouds would be distracting.
(click to enlarge)

7. Don’t worry about your compositions’ edges and corners.

I never worry about a trash can at the edge, a telephone pole sticking into a corner, a bare limb sticking down from the top or a half of a dumpster intruding into my frame.  No one looks at the edges or corners anyway.  They are looking at your main subject smack dab in the middle of your frame.  See, another reason to center your subject.  Don’t worry about the rest.  It just causes stress.

8. Never mess with your camera’s settings.
Settings are for people with too much time on their hands. Shutter speed, Aperture, ISO, white balance, whatever—what it may have been set to the last time you used your camera is just fine for today.  The camera knows better than we do, after all, it is a computer with a lens.  Never second guess it.  I just set my cameras to “P” for Professional, Auto ISO, Auto White Balance and shoot in JPEG format.  Perfectly bad photos almost every time!  That’s what I’m after.  If that means a handheld shot at one eighth of a second with the ISO cranked to 6400 in bright midday sun, so be it.  Also, digital noise is your friend.  It’s character.  Additionally please, if it is in there, strip every last bit of exposure information out of your viewfinder.  No histogram, no shutter speed, no ISO, no leveling, no frame lines, nothing.  A clean, uncluttered display is a beautiful thing and it lets you avoid the pitfalls of being distracted by all that technical gobbledygook that is confusing at best and distracting to you composing your shot.  Less is more.  Simple equals better.

9. Don’t worry about dust, smudges or a fingerprint on the lens or sensor.
Those kinds of things can make your photos unique.  Others will wonder how you achieved that ‘look.’  Don’t tell them.  Nothing adds atmosphere like a greasy smudge right in the middle of the frame or a group of dust spots in the plain blue sky. Some call it a flaw.  I call the smudge a "dreamy, hand-applied soft focus filter." The sky?  Small birds.  And…never ever clean the front lens element.  It’s bad for the coatings on the glass.  You’re likely to ruin your lens if you do.  You can, however, use a paper towel to wipe off the sensor if needed.

10. Finish your photographs with ‘smart’ editing.
When you finally get home to the computer, the first thing to do is move every adjustment slider to the right as far as it will go.  Right is might.  Clarity, saturation, contrast, vibrance, texture, all of it.  The farther to the right, the better.   Otherwise why would the programmers give you the controls, with values up to 100, if they didn’t think you should use them?  Don’t second guess them.  The more editing you apply to each of your images, the more character your photos will have.  Subtlety is the enemy.  We all know that more is better, bigger is better, more expensive is better, so if we don’t take advantage of those sliders, we’re just shortchanging ourselves and worse, our audience.  If you neglect the sliders, your photos may accidentally look good.  You DON’T want that.

This photo has many of my suggestions all in one shot.  Look and learn!  You, too, can make
photographs and bad as this one. (click to enlarge)

Bonus Tip.

I never worry about color balance.  It doesn't matter.  Everyone's eyes are different, the color of the light changes all day long and we are so used to looking at such things as people's faces that are orange and magenta skies.  It really doesn't matter.  In fact, when the color balance is way off, the experts say your images will have much more character, garner more attention and be the subject of many more comments.  So there.

I have other tricks, such as always use the slowest shutter speed possible not matter if your subject is moving, never use a tripod even at night and always buy the cheapest filters to use over your lenses but I don’t want to give away everything at one time.  After all, I don’t want anyone else to be as bad a photographer as I’ve worked hard over decades to be.  I take a lot of pride in making really bad photographs.  My hallmark!  Hopefully, my legacy.

So there you have it, a surefire recipe for bad photographs.  Follow these steps faithfully and you too can spend years producing images that nobody will ever want to look at twice.  Why should they?  They are your images shot for your satisfaction.  Heck with anyone else.

If you have any tried and true techniques for making bad photographs, drop them in the comments. I'm always looking to improve my game by getting worse, if I can.

Join me over at my website, www.dennismook.com .

Thanks for looking. Enjoy!

Dennis A. Mook

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