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| Juvenile Bald Eagle. One of this year's brood. Not Yet Fledged. (click to enlarge) |
Let me know if you can identify with what I’ve written in this post.
Every once in a while I come to a point where I take stock of who I am, what I've done, what I've accomplished, what I'm doing, what I want to do, my successes and my failures. I'm sure many of you do as well. I think it is good to periodically take a hard look at ourselves.
As a part of my self-assessment, I sometimes find myself struggling with my photography. Right now, I'm at that point, once again. I’m not struggling in a technical sense but am struggling to find meaning in what I photograph and have photographed. I struggle because I don’t believe that almost any of my body of photographic work has meaning to anyone but myself. Frankly, the reality is that almost none of it has. I find that a bit disconcerting as I've spent the past 53 years pursuing this passion of mine. So, when I die, almost an entire life's work more or less disappears. I guess I’m the type of person who needs to do things that make a difference to others, not just for my own pleasure. Even a small difference is important to me.
I’ve made hundreds of thousands of photographs both with film and digital media. I’ve made some stunning landscape images, recorded scenes and objects of historic importance from our past that are quickly disappearing, made portraits of individuals that capture the best of who they are, travel, nature, public events, family, weddings, documents of infrastructure, Americana and just about everything else over the five plus decades. However, I don't believe that most of what I've produced has any meaning to anyone other than myself. That bothers me.
Have you experienced these same kinds of thoughts? I bet many of you have a time or two.
Those photographers that seem to leave legacies of work that make a lasting difference are documentary photographers whether they are documenting various cultures, species of creatures that may be going extinct, everyday life or wars, etc. Also photojournalists whether photographing local news events or major international stories, wedding photographers, photographers who make portraits of historically important people and others whose work become a record of our time. Those kinds of photographs seem to have lasting meaning to society, history and our culture.
In my mind, my most meaningful work is two-fold. I think the images I've created over the years of my friends, family and family events are important to my friends and those in my family. No one else would care, however. My images have captured historic moments, achievements, milestones and experiences of individual family members as well as moments my family as a whole may like to remember in the years ahead. Those images have limited meaning but meaning nonetheless.
The other category of photographs I have made that I believe have significance are the ones I created when I was a police detective and forensic photographer for about eight years in the 1970s and 1980s. I photographed victims of assaults, rapes and homicides, traffic fatalities, scenes of a wide variety of crimes, items of evidentiary value and surveillance of drug transactions among other things, all of which were presented in a court of law to bring justice to those who committed heinous crimes and help bring closure to the victims. Those photographs certainly had meaning to many people who were touched by criminal activities—at least temporarily. But, again, meaning nonetheless. But I struggle to find any meaning to what I now photograph.
Yes, I still find much pleasure and satisfaction from my photography. That is without doubt. But that doesn't seem to be enough. Under ideal circumstances, I would love for my body of work to have meaning to others but I don’t think that will ever happen. I would love to have my photography serve a purpose after I'm dead and gone. I would love for my photographs stand for something instead of just being ‘pretty’ or even just defined as 'interesting.' But, I think it is too late. As I see it, in the baseball game of life, I've rounded third base and I'm heading home. Now, I'm taking my time, not rushing, but I have a lot more years behind me than before me. Still, I'll be fine just slowly ambling toward home plate.
That is the rub. That is my conundrum. I'm not sure there is a way forward to create anything meaningful at this stage in my life and current photographic pursuits. I may just have to settle for what I've done, keeping in mind the joy and satisfaction my photographic endeavors have brought me, be proud of my work and let it go.
You may ask why I'm bringing this up. A friend of mine (Dave) embarked upon a photographic project this year to meet, engage in conversation with and photograph at least one hundred people that he now doesn't know. After thinking about that, his project struck a nerve causing me to examine what I photograph and what meaning it has. I think his project has meaning to others besides himself and, I guess, I'm a bit envious. I thought about adopting the same project, but it is his, at least for this year. I don't want to copy his idea, although many others have done the same project. It is the potential meaning to those who he photographs and publishes their images on his blog (twolanetouring.com) that caught my attention, however. He is doing very well with it, by the way. Kudos.
I believe it is important to engage in self-examination on a periodic basis and I do. On occasion, I take a hard look at various parts of my life and ask myself the hard questions. It just so happens to be photography this time.
This post has taken a couple of months to write. I keep putting it away, coming back to it, editing it, adding text, removing paragraphs, all with the idea of trying to express my thoughts. I have found it difficult to express my thoughts adequately. That said, I will continue to think about this topic and eventually decide upon a way forward with my photography. I won't stop photographing all those things which give me pleasure. I love photography too much to stop but I may add a project or two that will give my work some meaning. In other words, being the optimist I am, I'll work my way through all of this successfully. Afterall, it is never too late to start, right?
Thanks for looking. Enjoy!
Dennis A. Mook
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Life sucks; we are born, live, die, disappear. We seldom learn about those upon whom our lives have had an impact (good, bad, or indifferent). Is it enough to be content with what we've done? Do we need to receive the adoration of others to feel we are complete? The views you have shared with us, Dennis, are almost certainly widely held. I, for one, would be diminished if I didn't get to read about your thoughts and see the images that are important to you. As you journey through life, hopefully there are more things that make you happy than make you sad. If so, consider it to have been a successful life and be content that you've done more good than harm.
ReplyDeleteDean, thank you for your carefully crafted words and thoughts. I appreciate them. ~Dennis
DeleteHey Dennis, I've been wrangling with this question my entire photographic life. I fear, like you, that it is all for naught. However, that doesn't keep me from trying, always trying, to make photographs that have some value.
ReplyDeleteI realized early on that I would never get any satisfaction on a personal level from my commercial work, and that if I needed or wanted that, it would have to come from personal projects of a documentary nature. And even that, back in the days before social media, most of the work got printed, shown to a few people and shoved in a box on a shelf. Now we get to share everything, and it’s a good feeling to get any feedback. However the feedback is just a bonus, I don’t base the merit of the work on the volume or tone of the responses.
As artists, all we have to share is our point of view. I shoot what I shoot because it’s what I find most interesting and which expresses how I feel about what I see in the world. Long ago I stopped trying to take pretty pictures, mostly because I’m not interested in pretty pictures. There are already so many in the world, and frankly, when I look at them I just don’t care, they don’t move me in any way. I’ve paid attention over the years to the work of other photographers that has made me stop and think. And usually they are photographs of people, regular people living their lives. Also, I don’t think smiling people are all that interesting to look at, because the art that I enjoy looking at is like that too.
I’ve struggled a lot in my life in lots of ways, so I tend to be attuned to certain facial expressions and body language that expresses a bit of struggle. I’m drawn to photographing how that struggle looks, simply because it’s what I notice, and most people don’t. People tend to smile automatically when they see a camera, I wait for them to give me a neutral face that is more open to interpretation. Or I try to make the photo in a way that is more authentic to the moment.
Really, it’s all about being honest with yourself about what is important and what it is that you care about. I don’t care enough about landscapes, wildlife, sunsets, lighthouses, or beaches to be able to make anything meaningful out of them in a photo. I like those places and things, I like being in nature, but I don’t have anything to say about it beyond being beautiful, and I’d rather enjoy the moments I have in those places rather than trying to make a pretty picture that I’ll never show anyone.
So, now when I go out and make photos, it’s all about seeing the people that I find most interesting or sense something that I recognize or am familiar with. I know that right now, the photographs I make for myself are only interesting to me. And I think every photographer who ever made meaningful work, always did it for themselves first. So, that is what we have to do. Decide what we care about and go forth and make that work. If we’re lucky, others will find what we do meaningful and we will find ways to get it out there. And maybe, after we’re gone, our work will live on, or not. But we’ll be dead, so it doesn’t matter at that point. However, we will have gone about our lives indulging our curiosities in a creative manner, and along the way, we got to touch lives with our interactions, and make a few photos along the way that made us feel as if we weren’t just wasting our time. And in the end, the relationships that I’ve forged will be my most important work, and that is what will matter.
Until then, just keep doing whatever it is that you find interesting.
Mike, thank you for your very comprehensive and pertinent thoughts. I think you and I share many of them. As much as I have written over the years about photographing for myself, I now see that some of my struggles really are about photographing for what others may give value. That’s not what I should be doing. My eyes are starting to open. Again, thank you. ~Dennis
DeleteGreetings Dennis -
ReplyDeleteThanks for the thoughts on finding a legacy pathway for our work. I too have a large collection, including a recent addition from a trip to Israel and Istanbul. Some of it I post to social media, some I use in my university teaching, etc, but it still leaves much of it to drop off into a void once I pass on.
Still pondering the overall solution to this.
Thanks - Chris in Wisconsin
Thanks for your comment Chris. I’m sure we’ll both fi g our solutions. ~Dennis
DeleteThanks for your comment Chris. I’m sure we will both find our solutions. ~Dennis
DeleteAll I can say is that I also think of that land fill that will house my life work when I am gone. But remember that in 1000 years maybe a dozen artist working today will be known- maybe one or two photographers. Wish I had some words of wisdom but this is only one area for which I have no answers.
ReplyDeleteThanks Larry. ~Dennis
DeleteJeff, thank you for your thoughtful comment. I, too, did stock for many years. Like you, I found it interesting as to who would license my images and for what purpose. Surprisingly to me, I had many sales in Asian countries. Also, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate them. ~Dennis
ReplyDeleteMaybe you need some more urgency in your work. Last week I discovered Kyle McDougall on YouTube. He also struggles from time to time, but I found him very inspiring.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTTXSb8dvqWnUFtd9ZJmx5_0yNIktggsG
Hi Dennis,
ReplyDeleteReading your publication brought me to pause and reflect about the meaning of photography, and where I am positioned at this time. I first want to thank you for your writing and photography work. I find it touching and I recognize myself through the sensitivity you display. I find your work inspiring, and very far from meaningless.
With your past in the law enforcement profession, you must have seen quite a wide spectrum of human behaviour and fragility. I can’t understand what it represents for you, but I know that my father's 30 years as a fireman, witnessing countless tragedies, still impact his thoughts and emotional realm decades later. I can only imagine your experience somehow plays a part in your reflection about the meaning of your practice.
Questioning our own body of work is a pretty healthy reflex, while hopefully not leading us to a stile state of disenchantment, but even then it can be an essential phase of a journey. Call it art, hobby, passion, craft, they are all forms of expression that allow one's humanity to express an intimate perception of our world. Personally, the quest for meaning has been part of my creative struggle for the past 35 years. I had many occasions to reflect on it, and I wish to share with you in a humble way how this weighing itch (and sometimes downright painful), has taken a turn for me in the past years.
My creativity comes from a profound need for connection. Here is a not so short background story. I spent my youth years dealing with health issues, in a loving but dysfunctional environment, within a hurt and emotionally helpless family, in a small ethnocentric suburb. That was quite a combination to attract pitiful stances and bullies like flies on decaying food. At the time, my sensitive way of connecting was not something understood or valued, and it created occasions for others to be judgmental and condescendent. I tried preserving my integrity by finding refuge within myself, and became a very lone, discrete and contemplative person. Later I tried to overcome others’ dominating power over me by adopting an intellectual defence. I thought that if I was more intellectually inclined than others, it would protect me from their hurtful behaviour. But in the end, it created more loneliness when I simply wanted to stop feeling awkward and afraid. After some healing, I became more responsible for myself, gaining openness and a better understanding of others inner struggles, I became kinder to myself and others, and finally less susceptible to get hurt. Amongst other life experiences, this inner intimate space is so intensely etched in me that it constantly colours and filters my perception, and still influences my own awareness and ability to see the world.
For everyone, I believe when the fears finally fade, whatever their origin, there is room for constructive creativity, poetry, grace, epiphany and love. And that only finds true value through sharing.
(continued)
ReplyDeleteSo, here comes my turning point about the art meaning quest. During the pandemic I was volunteering to support families struggling with mental health issues. At the end of a meeting, a single mother opened up and planted a seed that would slowly ease my struggles. She asked about a drawing on the wall behind me, and shared that through the weeks during the online workshop, she often was on the verge of breaking down, and she secretly used my drawing as a focus point to hang on to. It kept reminding her that there is beauty in the world, and it nourished her hopes for better days.
After that, all my creative impulses started to make sense, and two years later, I reached a life goal, and had my first exhibition. And this was an occasion where I witness many strangers visiting the gallery being moved to tears, and so was I. There are not many things that nourish my soul more than intuitively connecting through art with someone about unutterable aspects of life. And most of the time, it is related to things that take time and attention to be truly appreciated.
Another thing that also got me out of my head and freed my creation was that I made myself the promise of taking classes continually. Workshops, etching, drawing, lithography… whatever keeps me in touch with a sensitive, creative and passionate community.
To finish this never-ending response, there is an inspiring little book, especially concerning the responsibility towards propagating the force of beauty within life. I don’t know about the quality of the translation, but the concepts are engaging and heartwarming.
The Way of Beauty: Five Meditations for Spiritual Transformation.
By François Cheng
I sincerely wish you long joy through your practice of photography and other endeavours.
Erik.
Erik, thank you for your comment, thoughts as well as insight into your life and creativity. You generously revealed much about yourself and your creative epiphany. I very much appreciate the time you took to share your thoughts. They give me a lot to digest. Also, thank you for the book recommendation. I will take your words to heart. I’ve already reread your two comments twice and will do so again so I ensure I understand and realize the full value of them. My struggle with meaning in my photographic endeavors continue but I have achieve some clarity and am forming a direction for my future. Again, thank you for your very thoughtful comment. I hope others will also read it. I wish you the best.
Delete