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| If my dream came true, I thought I could rise to new photographic heights! (click to enlarge) |
I've never told this story before and feel a bit vulnerable telling it now. I guess, culturally, men don't easily disclose highly personal things about themselves but I'm going to put this little story out there anyway as it was in my distant past.
From the moment I first fell in love with photography in the spring of 1971, one constant desire always present in my mind was wanting to be a full time professional photographer. I loved photography so much that I just wanted to be immersed in it 24 hours a day. I couldn't get enough. I "drank in" everything I could find about photography in the pre-internet, pre-workshop world. I looked for photography content everywhere trying to learn as much as I could. I subscribed to every photography magazine and bought many, many books showing photographs by photographers I admired as well as books that were instructional. I visited libraries in several surrounding cities searching the shelves for books by photographers and on photography. Also, I shot a lot of film not really knowing what I was doing in those early days. But I was truly smitten. Additionally, I had a constant internal struggle roiling over my passion for photography. Hold that thought.
During most of my adult life either I've been professionally freelancing in various genres of photography such as stock, weddings, commercial, advertising, industrial, etc, and at times, part of my job responsibilities was as a photographer as well as managing a darkroom operation. But I've never been a full time professional photographer and I know why.
I was afraid. Yep. That's hard to admit. Throughout my 36 years in law enforcement, even out in the middle of the night by myself in a very high crime area, I was never afraid. But I was afraid to make the leap from a secure job with an eventual pension to a profession in which, traditionally, it was very difficult to succeed (it's even harder today). I had little confidence in myself, my business skills or my abilities to make it and support my family as a photographer. If I had been a single man, this story may have been different. But, my insecurity over not being able to "make it" and support my family kept me working in my profession and not making the jump. I admire those who could and did make the move.
My personality type is one of being conservative (I'm not referring to anything political here) in my lifestyle, one of moderation, not a big risk taker, more of a logical thinker and long term planner who almost always chose security over the unknown. I am one who takes the safe route much more often than taking on unnecessary risk. I think this pattern of behavior is a product of my profession. In law enforcement one must always be hyper-aware of one's surroundings and plan, plan, plan so you don't take unnecessary risks.
Due to my duties as a forensic detective from 1975 to 1983, often times at major crimes scenes I came into contact with photojournalists. I became friends with a few of those photographers and those friendships remain to this day. That was a treat as I used our friendships to learn from them. I don’t remember when or who introduced me to the Director of Photography at the Virginian-Pilot newspaper in Norfolk, VA, but I asked if I could show him my portfolio as he had a couple of openings at the newspaper for photographers. He looked my work, we talked for a long while and, in the end he did not hire me. I was distraught as I thought that was my big chance. However, what resulted was we became friends and remain so to this day.
Several years after that first meeting we were talking and I asked him why he didn’t hire me. He replied that although talented enough to join the paper, he said he recognized my potential to rise through the ranks in the police department and he thought I would have a much better and brighter future in law enforcement than as a newspaper photographer. He thought I would get dissatisfied with the newspaper photojournalist job since there was little advancement and the pay was not great. Looking back, he did me a huge favor. He was right as in less than 10 years from being a forensic detective I rose to the rank to chief of police. I guess I owe him thanks for believing that my future was better if I stayed where I was.
So, my dream of becoming a full time photographer was never fulfilled. But that is okay. I got along fine with immersing myself as much and as often I could in photography. Regrets? No. I still don’t know if I would have made it work or if I would have been happy over the long run. But I would do it all over again just the way I did it before. I think, in the end, I had the best of both words—I got to get paid for being a forensic detective, photographer and manage the police darkroom, pick up freelance photography jobs as well as have peace of mind and security for my family. In the end, I still have my photography gear, time to travel and photograph and a healthy pension to pay for it all. It all worked out for the best in the end.
So, my dream of becoming a full time photographer was never fulfilled. But that is okay. I got along fine with immersing myself as much and as often I could in photography. Regrets? No. I still don’t know if I would have made it work or if I would have been happy over the long run. But I would do it all over again just the way I did it before. I think, in the end, I had the best of both words—I got to get paid for being a forensic detective, photographer and manage the police darkroom, pick up freelance photography jobs as well as have peace of mind and security for my family. In the end, I still have my photography gear, time to travel and photograph and a healthy pension to pay for it all. It all worked out for the best in the end.
The Road Not TakenBy Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
The one thing that has not changed over the past 52 years is that I am still smitten by photography. I hope that never changes. My wish for each of you is to have a passion in your life as being passionate about something is life changing and fulfilling.
Join me over at my website, https://www.dennismook.com.
Thanks for looking. Enjoy!
Dennis A. Mook
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A common story, including me, especially the being scared. Also it all turned out for the best. The old “path not taken”
ReplyDeleteLarry, thanks. Glad to know others may have experienced the same kinds of conflicts. Also, thanks for the “path not taken” phrase you included. That reminded me I intended to include Robert Frost’s poem and inadvertently left it out. It is now in the post. ~Dennis
DeleteThis brings back memories for me. Years ago, while in relatively secure employment with an eventual pension, an opportunity arose to become a partner in an architectural photography venture. Our clients would be architects and major builders. To my surprise, we landed excellent projects. We photographed business interiors at night while the offices were closed, traveled on assignments from Maryland to Florida. I photographed most of the building exteriors on weekends and during my liberal vacation leave. I noticed some things right away. When hobnobbing with other shoot for pay photographers, there was a friendly atmosphere that masked the cutthroat aspect of the business. If you mentioned a new client, immediately the others would attempt to steal the client. Another was that these photographers never, ever had a camera with them. All had been prolific amateur photographers, but once the business mode set in, the enjoyable aspect of photography was lost. That happened with me too. For about 12 months, I only occasionally made photographs that were not for pay or were portfolio builders. I also learned that respected firms were eager to assign work, and very slow in paying for that work. If pressed on a very late bill, they would either give you another assignment or start using another photography firm. One executive privately advised that large firms prospered by having small firms front the money for them. That is why payments were slow. Construction firms were the best to work with. Do the work quickly with a good end product and the check was cut in the next billing cycle.
ReplyDeleteAfter a while, I decided the steady paycheck and fun with photography on a strictly amateur basis was the best for me. I still feel the same way.
Very interesting story. Thank you for relating your experience. From what I’ve learned over the years, fairly typical. I’m glad you didn’t choose the wrong path for the long run. ~Dennis
DeleteI started working just after college in 1979 as a photographer. I shot in many different genre's, from still life, architecture, interiors, magazine editorial, newspaper photojournalism, corporate annual reports, publishing, and higher ed. Aside from three years of staff newspaper jobs in the mid 80's, I was self employed until late 2000.
ReplyDeleteI can tell you without a doubt, you made the right decision for your career and your family. I struggled financially for that entire time, and as I near retirement the folly of my ways is evident in my retirement fund.
Thankfully I was hired as a staff photographer by a university that was a freelance client for many years. I'm doing just fine and don't regret my choices, but I know now that I was not a good business person. However, the newspaper industry has imploded and had I gone down that path years ago, as I tried, I would have been cast aside years ago as the buyouts and firings became the norm.
Now, in three years I can look forward to retirement. I'll still hope to freelance for some extra income to feed my photo/motorcycle habits, and to travel a bit. However, in 45 years, I've never been anything more than a photographer, never mind the chief of something. I remember years ago when a good photographer had become the photo assignment editor for the local paper and stopped shooting. He said it was for more money, and my response was that I couldn't imagine not shooting anymore. And I still feel the same way.
One of the wonderful things is that I've never lost my passion for making photos for myself, as many of my pro photo contemporaries did. I've always engaged in personal projects which are so much more meaningful to me, and keep me engaged with why I became a photographer in the first place.
My only regret is that I wish I had more self-confidence when I was younger to have been more aggressive in promoting my work and marketing myself. And despite my lack of business acumen, I feel very lucky to have had a long and full career as a photographer.
Mike, thank you so much for sharing your story. Your journey could have been my journey if I would have chosen the other path. When I read. “ in 45 years, I've never been anything more than a photographer,” I was a bit distressed as being a photographer is a noble endeavor. The importance of photography cannot be overstated and much of your work will last a lot longer than will your time on this planet. Your photographs are historical as well as artistic documents. I used a bit of my police background to find a bit more about you and your work. I was delighted to see your portraits and other work. Quite remarkable, in my opinion. You have every reason to be proud of your life choices as have I. We could both have traversed the same path but we chose differently and both of our lives, our life’s work and our legacies are things of which we should be proud. ~Dennis
DeleteThank you Dennis, I truly appreciate the kind words. I am proud, and can't imagine myself as anything else. And frankly, I'm useless at everything else, so I"m lucky that I found that ONE thing that I can do! ;-)
Delete👍🏻 ~Dennis
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